The fall to Truth divorce, death, new beginnings.

We were pregnant with our first child together, just after a few months of being together. We were excited but knew that it was going to bring some big challenges as we were both from entirely different cultures and only had one thing in common, and that's only if we were both telling the truth. Two people growing up thousands of miles apart raised with different beliefs, how was that going to work? who would change to serve the other, or would they both serve? There must have been a hand leading each of our footsteps even in our sin for something like this to have happened! Or was it not?

Romans 2 Therefore you are inexcusable, o man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. But we know that the judgment of God is according to truth against those who practice such things. And do you think this, O man, you who judge those practicing such things, and doing the same, that you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you despise the riches of his goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?

It was the spring of 2009 that everything in my life took a huge turn, a turn for the worse. I thought I had everything and then somehow finding out I had lost it all and had to start over. Tired of trying to be the perfect girl who hides all her faults behind tears of rejection and failers. I needed healing I needed hope. My older sister had just passed away from cancer. I was a new adult Christian and believing so hard for that healing that never came the way I thought it was going to come. And then the next month after her death I lost my 1st marriage after 4 years. I felt my life had turned upside down and I didn't know where to turn. I reached out to my local church in despair and dir need of some counseling or help. All I felt there was rejection. So that's when I went to another church and begged them to help me restore my marriage and they told me I needed to love? I thought to myself love?... there was love or I wouldnt have gotten married to him. Could there have been a different love that I had no Idea about? After returning to my childhood church and still feeling rejected and just need answers, so why is everything falling apart. How do I fix it, and needing someone to just talk to me without feeling like it was all my fault? I had left the church.......

Days passed and one thing after another came. I started to believe the lies from the enemy and being all alone and weak I gave in. I somehow found myself in a place I told myself I would never go unless it was to help people. But I was the one needing help and I was not in a good state of mind to help anyone there, so I joined in. Every weekend it seemed I had nothing else to look forward to but going out to the bars. I sure couldn't go home to an empty house and remember what was lost. Or even show my face at my church wear I tried to seek help but they mocked me and told me it was all my fault or at least it felt as though they did without words. So every weekend after long work days you would find me in the local bars. I wasn't a drinker just a partaker in other man's sin as if that makes it any better, but it was a way to forget all that I was going through at the time instead of facing what happened.

One of the things that I clearly remember was the way the people in the bars didn't care who you were or where you came from or how you got there, they didnt care what you looked like or what social group you were apart of. It seemed as though everyone was friends and loved everyone. When you walk into the doors they all come over and hug and kiss you and say I'm so glad to see you. as many of us knew we had lonely weekdays full of hardships of our own.One time one of the new faces came over to me and said to me, WOW you glow and you surely don't fit in hear, what are you doing in here? That got me thinking yes what am I dont in hear? So that's when I started praying again......oh lord get me outa hear....how in the world did I end up in hear when I should be the one helping instead of joining in. How could I open myself up to the evil that runs free in the bars and joins in on their sin? Oh, help me lord to be settled again and be that wife and mother you called me to be! oh forgive me lord and bring me outa this! When I cried out to the lord he hears my cries and sees my sorrows he forgave me and slowly I was brought out.

It was the new year 2010 and one of the last times time I went out to the local bar for my friends birthday. I really didn't want to go but wanted to support her and she supported me. As I sat far down the counter waiting for her to show up, I acted busy texting or looking things up on my phone. just then These two oil field guys come sit by me. I whispered just great, and tired to face the wall away from them. The one spoke to me and asked me if I wanted him to buy me a drink, I laughed and said no thanks! Us locals were warned about those oil field guys only there for one thing and it sure wasn't for anything good! There was a big oil boom in our local town and we had many new people move into our small little town within a few months, it scared the locals and stole their housing and caused a lot of fights. Anyways the one oil field guy somehow got my phone number and later called me to clean his house. I was a single mom at the time so I was cleaning houses on the side to provide. We started to build a friendship and share stories of our lives, as I cleaned his house and cooked for him. We discovered that we had both been in church and found the lord but fell away, that we both still wanted to come back to the lord somehow one day. I shared that I began climbing back up the mountain and I was going to get back where I once was with the lord already, and if he had any interest in me as anything other than a cleaner or friend that he must start to do the same. well anyways

A few months later we found out we were pregnant with our 1st baby together,. It was the start of his journey back to the lord again. The goodness through the pregnancy of our son leads him back. He would say the Lord blessed me with a child after all the bad I had done I am so undeserving of such a child as this.

My water had broken 3 weeks early when we were due to have a child, I had prayed through the whole time that it would good quick and easy as I have always done with my pregnancies and labors. We waited 3 days in the hospital before anything happened. So they then started pitocin. I had to stay in bed and it was already a long wait because I don't like hospitals and was there for 3 days waiting after my water had broken. The pitocin had made everything worse and I only could sit up straight in bed when I just wanted to lay, the nurses came in every hour or more to check on me and drill me with questions. Then one time the nurse came in and said if you don't have the baby by 5 tonight we will take it. Just great I thought, I had prayed that this would go quick and it has turned it to long and painful what else. Well, Five came and they came in and said let's get you ready for a c section everything went so quick that I couldn't even think or say anything. I felt as tho my life was moving without me there. They rushed me into the operation room numbed me from the waist down. I cried as that was not what I wanted and somehow it just happened so fast. I felt my life was surely gone or that of my babies. I laid on the small cold table as they cut at my stomach just inches above my baby, I whispered under my breath prayers to the lord. Oh god please forgive the sin I have done, Please spare this child from the hand of the enemy. Please don't take this joy we have carried.

Finally, the baby was out and they rush the baby over to the table to get him cleaned up and warmed. Then they brought the baby to me and I looked upon his baby blue eyes! What a joy it was to have a healthy baby in my arms! I could finally relax knowing that the Lord was still there.

Not knowing what the lord was doing then but he knew. The Lord knew that by bringing my husband from many miles away and having me work for him and helping us to grow a friendship and having a child that it would help to lead us both to complete repentance. And teach us both many things in the process for a great calling! After feeling like you have failed Christ and everyone around you and falling into so much sin he was waiting there to forgive us.

I sit back now and look at the whole situation and see the things the Lord had brought me out of and feel very blessed. How many people fail to see the blessings of the lord in their life and never turn back to him? We don't know what or how a situation may work out but have faith and trust that the Lord will guide you and turn your life around if you ask him to. I have learned so many important things that I had to learn in order to help other like myself. It was surely the goodness of the lord that brought us back to him through the birth of a precious child. When you get the truth of who God really is for yourself and see his marvelous hand is in your life how can you fall away from the truth then. I believe that I had to fall to find who god really is. praise the lord that he is the one true God, who will never leave you even though you may try to run from him he waits for you to come back to the truth you knew or to find the truth. There is so much more truth and love in the lord but only the hungry will find it. So 1st we must seek..... then Knock....and then we shall find if we are hungry to find the one true god! He sits there and waits for our coming! Many are called but few are chosen will you answer the call?

I hope something I have said blesses or helps you in some way. Feel free to

Like, share, comment and follow me on my journey